Just feel the vibes, man

“Heady” people piss me off. Let me be clear who I’m talking about: the hedonistic, party-loving, weekend eco-warrior who gets into spirituality, man, and is really excited about Jack Kerouac’s On the Road (or some other stupid book I also don’t care about). These people are selfish, but, and this is the horrible part, their worldview tells them that they are not selfish. They seek to, just like the close-minded religious fanatics they so-often bad mouth, spread their hippie dippy eco-centric beliefs all over.

These people most probably go to Evergreen College, or Naropa University; some of them even go to Lewis & Clark, you might be surprised to learn. They hide among the regular hedonists, waiting to strike, malevolent. They’re full of great ideas and stupid self-imposed nick names: I can’t imagine many things more pretentious than introducing yourself as “Bonsai.”

Now: I love the environment, I love great literature, and I think Jack Kerouac is and should be respected as one of America’s finest authors of the 20th century. But when you begin to preach to me about freedom, Buddhism, and the Way as if you’re God’s own son come to enlighten the ignorant masses, I get annoyed.

Let me tell you a story. In the summer of 2009, my girlfriend at the time convinced me to go to a gathering of the aforementioned people as a function of what was called Portland City Repair. She told me there was free food, so I brought my roommate. We were instantly bored, and left soon after eating our dinner of (you guessed it!) quinoa and kale. We went home, an started a great party at my house—we were playing music, socializing, drinking, and having a generally merry time. My girlfriend came back from the event with two hippie drifters in tow.

The party winded down, and we were all hanging out, and my roommate puts on “Cookin’”, an album by Miles Davis. Now, this freaking twerp, he gets all excited, swiftly turns off the music, and demands that we all join him in Hare Krishna chants, or some similar bullshit. When we protested that we were enjoying the music, he said that the chanting was something we all could participate in, and was spiritual and uplifting.

How messed up is that? My roommate had quick enough wit to point out that the Miles Davis experience is a hell of a lot more spiritual than anything a nineteen year old fool was about to impose upon a group of drunken, unsuspecting college students. But it is the hypocrisy of this boy’s statements that really drive me off the wall.

I’d like to think that I am actually pro-freedom, etc., and as such am completely against imposing social events such as chanting. He wanted us to be free, feel the vibes, groove with the moment, and a million other clichés, and by asking us to join in his psychotic, pseudo-religious cultist practices, all he did was point himself out as the biggest egoist in the room.